I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
