I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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