my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
