please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
