youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
