look no pants
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You were trust falling into bushes
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My vagina just clenched in fear
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
