She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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