I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
