whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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