So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
