i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
