That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize