whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
