a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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