i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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