we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
