1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
