I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
