yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize