I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
