my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
