New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
