I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
