Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
