whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
