dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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