just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize