So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
