O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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