arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
