Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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