wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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