So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
