Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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