You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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