Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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