you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
