I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize