is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can you bring me the toilet please
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
