you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
