Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
