were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
