Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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