I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize