can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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