At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The uberlube is also flammable
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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