Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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