Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
