hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
