I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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