wanna go halves on a baby?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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