So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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