well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
