i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
