The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
