i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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