These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I need water and some morals
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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