You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
