You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I currently don't understand fingers.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
